The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
