just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
