brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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