Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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