can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
