Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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