Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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