so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Randomize
