im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
