Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
