I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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