Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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