So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
