thus making me awesome and them whores
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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