Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
