I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
