I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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