Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
