I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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