He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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