I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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