You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
