i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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