why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He passed out mid-signature
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
