grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
