I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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