For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
