So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
