Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
