i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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