If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
