I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
