he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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