I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
