Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
