i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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