He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
