i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
