i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
