i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
