It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
