somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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