grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
