I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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