He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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