i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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