Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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