shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
