She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
