On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
